Building a Stronger Partnership: The Collaborative Approach to Prenuptial Agreements (Part I)
A prenuptial agreement can feel like a romance killer, but a collaborative approach focuses on partnership and open communication, helping couples address financial matters together and strengthen their relationship.
After a romantic proposal, a newly engaged couple shares the happy news with loved ones and begins to plan the big day. Caterers, officiants, and flowers are selected. Sure, there are some tense moments when they choose between lemon curd or salted caramel cake filling, but their love and excitement overshadow that tiny conflict.
But then, someone says the words “prenuptial agreement,” and suddenly, the mood shifts.
Why does such a practical step feel like a romance killer?
When couples hear "prenuptial agreement," they often picture a rigid legal contract meant to protect individual assets. They might also imagine a contentious process with heated discussions and back-and-forths about budgets and the division of household finances. This feels like the opposite of romance. Instead of choosing a honeymoon destination or the perfect reception playlist, they’re forced to think about what would happen if they divorced.
They haven’t even set sail, and it feels like they’re planning for a sinking ship.
But what if there was another way?
What if, instead of focusing on division, this conversation centered on partnership? Collaborative pre- and postnuptial agreements and cohabitation agreements, also known as marital estate planning, offer a more holistic and cooperative approach, allowing couples to build a strong financial foundation while addressing important family and legal matters together.
This fresh method helps build the ship so it doesn’t sink.
Moving Beyond the Traditional Prenup
Traditional prenuptial agreements can take an adversarial tone, and in some ways, the process feels more like divorce planning instead of preparing to build a life together. Communication mostly happens through hired attorneys, and negotiations can quickly become contentious.
In the traditional process, the initiating party’s attorney sends the first draft of the proposed prenuptial agreement. The document is thick and filled with murky legalese. To the receiving party, it can feel overwhelming and confusing. These aren’t the “sweet-nothings” whispered over a romantic dinner.
After the initial draft is sent, negotiations begin, usually with back-and-forth discussions through attorneys. After a version is agreed upon, the final document is officially signed. The couple can return to planning that perfect playlist.
Instead of strengthening the relationship, the traditional process can feel like a battle over boundaries. The individuals seek guidance from their attorneys rather than from each other. Instead of celebrating their future, they are navigating stress, potential areas of distrust, and legal jargon that feels far removed from their love story
The product might be worthwhile, but the process leaves much to be desired.
However, it doesn’t have to be this way.
A New Perspective on Marital Estate Planning
The Collaborative approach flips the traditional dynamic by bringing both partners and their attorneys together at the start. The goal is to foster open dialogue rather than confrontation. An attorney represents each party and ensures their best interests are guarded. However, the process begins with a four-way meeting with the parties and their attorneys. The focus here is openness and honesty, with clear goal-setting and communication at the forefront of the discussion.
With a collaborative prenuptial experience, the document itself happens last, after the issues and questions have been resolved. The shared life together is the primary concern, and perhaps, most importantly, the emotional component of the process is addressed rather than ignored.
Rather than just safeguarding assets, marital estate planning fosters open discussions about financial expectations, family dynamics, and long-term goals. This approach is especially valuable for those blending families, entering marriage after a previous divorce, or simply wanting to ensure transparency from day one.
Even better, the collaborative approach isn’t siloed. Other Collaborative professionals, like financial planners and family specialists, can be part of the process, too, so couples can work toward a mutually beneficial agreement that strengthens, rather than strains, their relationship.
The collaborative approach still addresses the challenging questions raised in the traditional model. How will we define our assets? What happens to marital property in the case of divorce or death? How will we handle our finances while we’re married? These conversations and decisions are essential to the prenuptial agreement; however, in the collaborative process, these questions are addressed by working together as a couple rather than through respective attorneys.
By embracing collaboration over contention, couples can transform a daunting legal process into an opportunity to strengthen their partnership.
If you’re interested in this process, Miroslavich Law is the place for you! Melissa has extensive experience with the Collaborative Law Institute (CLI). She is currently serving in her 3rd year on the board and received a tremendous honor when she was named their Volunteer of the Year in 2024. She’s also currently the Chair of the Public Education Committee.
If you’d like to talk with Melissa to see if a collaborative prenuptial agreement is right for you, contact us today! And stay tuned for part 2 in this series as we examine more specific benefits of this kind of agreement.
